im not sure what to make of this “feeling” it began about 2 days ago……….and has steadly increased with its intensity……………..but if i can can begin to express some understanding of it……it is like sitting on the side of a fence and watching yourself………yet u are powerless to stop any of your actions………..an awareness has arisen…………with this a longing……..a desire…….and a sweet pain ensues……..the feeling is not bad……..it is constant……..

 I do not know what to do……..i contemplate it…….i find myself delving deep into the inner fortress of myself……..where im surrounded by my very own evils…….yet i do not feel frightend……i feel sheltered………….the bad things are always there but now they seem…..bearable………..

Feelings are strange………and alien to me………but to feel……..the experience is something else………..there is a light at the end of the tunnel……..almost like through all the bad thoughts, evil intent…..a small deminishing light and catches ur consiousness and dissapears before you even register its here…………..i feel i had discovered how to hope

Hope for something better, hope that if not today…….someday………the inner peace i so desperatly crave will come………..someday……..oneday……….